You Got Lost, and We're not Together

Its just too far. You took the different path as I am. I don't know where you are, I just...... It just too hard to reach you. I know there is a technology called GPS nowadays but I just can't read you. You just..... Have been already walking, too far.. To nowhere..

My Very First Family

Very love this pict, unfortunately it is blurred. I miss y'all, Axum.

A Journey

Yesterday after Adikarya 2013 smasa I got a rose from my very bestfriend, Al.

Its been so long since we share stories and I guess I'll be missing him a lot.

The rose accompanied me in a journey.

Matanya Hitam Bukan Cokelat Muda

Persetan dengan mereka yang menciptakan permainan Truth or Dare.
Kami berada dalam satu lingkaran, berhitung dan bertepuk tangan ketika unsur 3, 6 dan 9 muncul dan salah seorang yang miss harus memilih di antara Truth or Dare. Kami, ya, kami berdua, duduk bersebalahan, menikmati malam di fakultas tercinta. Dare pertamanya; berteriak nama sekaligus program studi yang diambil. Done. Truth pertamanya; adakah maba sasing yang menarik perhatianmu pertama kali, jawabannya; ada. Truth keduanya; deskripsikan cewek itu, jawabannya; imut, cantik--temannya pun berkata begitu, tingginya jauh berbeda dengan dia, berhijab, dan terkadang satu kelas. Truth ketiganya; pesan ayah untuk dirinya, jawabannya; jangan pernah lupakan salat. Truth terakhirnya; deskripsikan mantan terakhir (itu pertanyaanku), jawabannya; cantik, baik banget, anak UGM, FH, sangat perhatian, rambutnya nggak panjang, sebahu, care sama semua orang--temen-temennya, selalu ngingetin, alasan kenapa putus, karena dia nggak bisa LDR.
Dare pertamaku; gombalin dia dan tatap matanya. Menyenangkan, berasa mengalir di sungai ketika menatapnya, ini bukan gurauan, sangat damai. Agak berbeda dengan "Hanya Isyarat", matanya hitam, bukan cokelat muda. Aku melihat ketulusan dalam setiap tatapannya. Truth pertama dan terakhirku; deskripsikan seseorang yang sangat kamu suka sekarang, bukan mantan, jawabanku; ganteng, tapi Karin bilang enggak banget. Baik, rajin salat. Dia wangi, apalagi setelah salat, ya aku pernah nggak sengaja salat bareng, yang paling bikin sebel, dia selalu nggak tepatin janji semisal kita janjian, sepertinya dia nggak bisa main musik dan aku yakin juga nggak bisa nyanyi. Aku bilang nggak tau asalnya ketika Sabilah bertanya, aku juga menjawab nggak tahu ketika Sabilah bertanya klub sepak bola favoritnya. Aku nggak menyesal, tetapi jika bisa diulang, aku akan mengungkapkan bahwa dia berasal dari Jakarta dan klub sepak bola favoritnya adalah Manchester United.

"Ia kembali menjadi sebentuk punggung yang sanggup kuhayati, yang kuisyarati halus melalui udara, langit, sinar bulan, atau gelembung bir." --Hanya Isyarat, Dee (Rectoverso).

Kili

I wanna be your Kili, the partner of everything.
I wanna be your Kili, whom you take care of.
I wanna be your Kili, and being protected by you, like Prince William to his Harry.
I wanna be your Kili, die together in order to save what deserves.

source: google

and I wanna be your Kili, whom right beside you till forever.

Yours

Today, I've my Basic Reading Skills (BRS) class, We're learn about topic, main ideas, etc. And I was asked by my lecture to make a paragraph, and then, I was telling about you.

      Yesterday, he was wearing a black polo shirt and dark skinny jeans. Then, he saw me. Actually, it was just happen. it was unplanned. Its been few days I haven't seen him, so it was a miracle, I can saw him next to me. For the first, he didn't realize that it was me, but he had already seen me, with his confused face. Then I put my masker off, and pat his back and said "Duluan ya, Lib." and he just..... shocked and turned his head and saw me, right on his eyes and said "Tuh kan, Difra, makanya kaya pernah kenal, tuh kan ih Difra, tuh kan." on and on and....... I just love the way he says my name. The way he laughs, with his glared eyes and his moved ears, I mean they're shaking you know (well, I don't know what is the right verb), and his nose was kembang kempis, and it is funny. Very funny.
     And today, he was wearing black and white raglan, and he saw me, and the rest of our group in front of our lovely campus and yea he saw me, he greet me, I'm the first, I don't know is that I'm too eye-catching or what and he smiled and wave his hand and said (it was the best part) "hey, Difra!". I love the way he do that, every time, and I never getting bored. And I also love the smell of him, and his wet hair after he prays, and also the smell of him after the rain, when he gave me the MKI book, and I love every single thing about him, you know? He is just special...

And, I was finishing my oral-paragraph, and my lecture asked "so, what it the topic?"

I answered, "someone whom I adore...... So much." 

D. 

A Very Good Mood

Hi, there.
I've my own modem now so its glad to meet you even often, blog:):):)
Hmm, well, I've my midterm for Basic Reading Skills today and its kinda hard to make a good mood. Dunno why. It seems like every time I see or I hear something related to mas Radith, its kinda hurt my mood, lebay sih, but thats the fact. Hmm, maybe it is really really the time for me, and for you, blog, to have another subject to write on. Is it okay?























Well, lets see...



Anyway,
am I great on glasses?B)

Having A New Life

Hi, blog. Lama nggak nulis.
Postingan terakhirku? Udah lama banget ya..
Aku sudah jadi "college girl" sekarang hehehe dan menyenangkan, mengetahui bahwa aku betah di kampusku. Bertemu dengan banyak orang baru, sangat menyenangkan. Meskipun masih bertitel mahasiswa baru, rasanya sudah lama aku mengenal segala tetek bengek di kampus. Ospek susah, dibentak-bentak, atau apalah segala keluhan para maba bukan masalah bagiku. Aku menikmatinya.

Selamat hari raya Idul Adha, my dearest reader. :)
Agak nggak nyambung loncatnya, tapi mumpung aku pulang dan kecipratan koneksi internet, harus dimanfaatkan sebaik mungkin. Di perantauan, aku masih numpang sana sini untuk koneksi internet. Ya, aku pulang, aku di Probolinggo sekarang, yang (dulu) kusebut sebagai kota tercintaku. Tapi sepertinya, sudah tidak lagi. Nggak ada yang kucari di sini. Kehangatan keluarga? Kebersamaan? Lebih bisa kutemui di perantauanku ketimbang di sini. Sahabat lama? Nggak ada yang ada. Aku memang pulang, tapi aku nggak merasa di rumah.

Mungkin sudah saatnya benar-benar meninggalkan apa yang sudah. Maybe this is the time, to have a new life. Hmm, aku ikut senang dengan kembali aktifnya the apane. :)

D.

Someday

Hi, its 0:40 my laptop's clock.
Its been a long time since I wrote, right? Hehehe well maybe its not that long
Ehm anyway, happy 68th birthday my beloved country, Indonesia. I didn't follow any ceremony today, I mean I have no school now hehehe yea I'm going to college. Time flies..
Lately, I kinda have some insomnia, dunno how, maybe because of the medicine I took.
As you think, my body got down ehmmm 5 days ago. And my skin is getting worst. Sometimes, I really want to have a health body and soul, but then I think, maybe I won't be so close with Allah if I have no pain.

Ok, I don't know where this writing will go but, I kinda thinking.
I've just watched 5cm on one of national tv station, and I remembered how my struggle to get the ticket of it. I remembered mas Radith too. That day, we were..... hmm forget it. Yea, its been a long time, I mean, I know he must be sick of my attitude lately, so I won't disturb him, anymore, I won't yea I won't do anything to him I mean like something strange in his eyes like yaaa ckck I don't know. I just feel like, this is the time, like yea I have to let him on his own. Yea, we're not kids anymore.

But, I have a dream..
Or maybe, a dream won't come true if you broadcast it(?)
but, I just want you to know, blogsky. I have nobody.
Have you listen the song of Bruno Mars, entitled Rest? Ya, that song was you know  amazing, soooooo amazing I think. I don't know how God can create the most romantic person like him, oke alay time-_- no no I mean, I have a dream that #someday there will be someone who sing it to me.. And look into my eyes, deep into my eyes, with his honest smile. I hope, someday..
Or maybe, if it wouldn't happen, I will sing it in mas Radith's wedding. :)
Someday..

D.

Bukan

Kemarin, mba Katarina bilang,

Aku nggak tahu kenapa Radith nggak suka ulang tahun lagi.

Hari ini aku bilang,

Bukan nggak suka ulang tahun, tapi mas Radith nggak suka ulang tahun kita.

Aku Seorang Perempuan

Halo, aku adalah seorang perempuan. Kata orang, insting perempuan itu kuat.
Sebelum nulis post ini, aku sudah googling dengan keyword "insting perempuan" dan yang kudapat,

2.    Intuisi lebih kuat
Insting seorang ibu terhadap anaknya terkenal amat kuat, hingga menghasilkan ikatan batin tersendiri yang timbul sejak si kecil masih berada dalam kandungan. Rupanya intuisi yang kuat tidak hanya dimiliki kaum ibu, karena pada umumnya wanita terlahir dengan otak yang mampu memproduksi intuisi yang kencang. Wanita juga lebih mudah membaca “sinyal” melalui bahasa tubuh atau petunjuk nonverbal yang lazimnya membuat para pria kebingungan. Makanya, wahai kaum adam, jangan coba-coba membohongi kami, karena kami bisa “membaca” pikiran kalian!

Dikutip dari: sini. Berdasar riset dari penulis buku "The Female Brain".

Jadi, dikarenakan aku seorang perempuan dan perempuan memiliki insting yang kuat.
Aku rasa, akupun begitu.

Semua orang pasti memiliki ekspektasi masing-masing, tetapi seperti yang kalian tahu, sesuatu yang berlebihan tidaklah baik. Jadi, ekspektasi yang berlebihan mutlak tidak baik. Aku hanya memiliki ekspektasi, mungkin berlebihan, mungkin tidak, dan aku berharap ada yang mau mendengar ekspektasi yang kukaitkan dengan insting. Hanya mendengar, komentar adalah bonus.

Hei kau, berdua, maupun sendiri. Selamat!

Hi

Actually, today shud be our 22 of 22...

Selamat Jalan, Kesayangan-Kesayanganku!

Hai, blogsky. Sepertinya saya harus menunda (lagi) review 9 Summers 10 Autumnsnya. So sorry for Onik who has been waiting for the review so long *sigh* ya gimana ya, saya blogging juga kalau lagi ada mood nulis yang cetar membahana *oke ini apa* jadi, mood saya buat nulis review 9S10A belom cetar sih.. Ada yang lebih perlu saya tulis malam ini. Oke saya sedang kalut. Kalian pernah ngerasain nggak guys? Banyak orang bahagia, eeee maksud saya gini, orang-orang yang bikin kalian bahagia itu bahagia sendiri tanpa kalian. Pernah nggak ngerasain? Saya sih udah berkali-kali, tapi biasanya bukan orang dalam bentuk jamak, tapi dalam bentuk tunggal. Malam ini, saya ngerasain dalam bentuk jamak. Saya pernah sekali, menjadi ketua kelompok, sebut saja eskul *emang iyeeee* ehm, jadi biasanya masa jabatan ketua itu satu tahun, tapi beda dengan saya, saya menjabat cuman satu semester. Dikarenakan, saya ambil program dua tahun di sekolah, dan masa jabatan saya dimulai ketika semester 3, dan semester 4 sudah harus lengser dan fokus belajar. Saya, sebagai seorang saya sampai saat ini, sangat bahagia bisa menjadi ketua suku mereka. Bisa bekerja dengan orang-orang yang menyenangkan seperti mereka. Tapi saya sendiri tidak tahu apakah mereka bahagia berada di bawah kepemimpinan saya. :)

Tapi mungkin, mereka lebih bahagia di bawah kepemimpinan ketua suku mereka yang baru. Begitu bersahaja, lebih sabar, dan....... Cantik tentunya. Kalian begitu bahagia, lebih solid dari kalian yang dulu,  lebih terbuka dan lebih semuanya. Katakan saja saya iri. Tapi, ya mungkin masa yang diberikan Tuhan sudah habis. Semua memiliki masa masing-masing. Festival yang saya impikan sejak SD, dan baru terwujud 28 November 2012. Akan menjadi festival pertama dan terakhir buat saya di masa-masa sekolah. Terima kasih partner, terima kasih kesayangan-kesayanganku semua. Semoga kalian mendapat medali di next festival. Saya berdoa untuk kalian, selalu. Saya pergi..

Tangled

Well, seems like I have to delay my 9 Summers 10 Autumns review hahaha because I got something, more interesting that that. Yesterday, I was watching a Disney movies called Tangled. It was a very loooong time being in my sister's computer, but I never watch it. So then, oh my God, that movie was.... Amazing. I mean, that was errr I have no word to describe, I mean, it was wonderful. The voice of the dubber, the characters, ahhh you have to watch yourself, guys.. But, here I have some part that I love the most. I mean, I love every single thing on Tangled, but, here's the most.

Well, I really want to have kinda this window!

 

 Oh, look the way he stares at her. I really wanna have that kind of stare..

(***)

And after all this time, as many people said, 

Everyone is never too old for Disney movies.. :)

N. Difratia

Happiness Is Having ♥PowerRangers Around

Well, Have I told you blogsky about my PowerRangers? I have write it in 2 or 3 previous posts eheheh they were so, umm, well I have no words to describe them. They were perfect. I mean, they came when I need somebody the most, they helped me to be strong (eventhough its pretending eheheh) they also helped me to be beautiful in my own way. They were sooooo beautiful creatures Allah ever created. Alhamdulillah:)

3 days ago, 2 of us were having a birthday. Esme and Yin. Firstly, we would make a surprise on the day, but you know the school stuffs made us crazy, eventhough I'm no longer dating with the school stuffs hahahaah the six of us still dating with that school stuffs, Osis stuffs instead gaaaah. So then, our first plan failed. Then, we have another plan, on Sunday, but again and again, we failed-_- And then the third plan, still in the same day but different place. Esme had a party on Sunday night, and our plan was we came late and we're singing happy birthday in our tardiness. And after the party finished, we would throw the flour and blah blah blah things to make Esme and Yin dirty hahahahah but the throw-the-flour-and-blah blah blah-things didn't happen because Yin weren't be able to come. So, today is the last plan. We gather in school at 3 p.m. And we pull Esme and Yin to the backyard--the basketball yard with eyes close and we tie them in a pillar for spray and throw the flour. Firstly, we did! But then, the tie of them are loose. They run crazily, so do us hahahaha but then everyone is wet because of Yin splash the water to us. But, that was amazing. And we promise, 5 years from now, we will meet again, in the same place, same time, same us. I hope...

Our first promise is 10 years from now, but then Dacco said its too long hahaah

but I've already write u,u

left to right: Dacco, Devyn, Rachel, Yin, Esme, Carol, Diandra, me:)

N. Difratia

P.S. Actually, we are 9. One of us--Anne was moved to Ciamis when we've passed the 10 year. We wish you were here. Miss you, An..

Tuhan, betapa cintanya dia sama saya dulu...

9 Summers 10 Autumns The Movie

Fyuuuh, finally the 2013 NATIONAL EXAM has already finished nanana tinggal menunggu hasil. Bagaimana kabar para #PejuangUN2013 nih? Ehehehe jadi pengangguran yaaa sekarang:3 sama lho. Eh tapi temen-temen, daripada membusuk di rumah mending intip bioskop deh, banyak film bagus sekarang! Apalagi film Indonesia, beuhhh nggak kalah sama film Super Hero yang sudah digembar-gemborkan bakal tayang 2 hari lagi. 2 hari lagi, film yang diangkat dari novel bestseller karya Iwan Setyawan bakal mengudara di bioskop-bioskop seluruh Indonesia, dear readers! So, jangan ketinggalan. Yuk, rame-rame ke bioskop buat nonton film karya anak bangsa. Support terus film Indonesia!

Check trailer dan OSTnya yaaa:)

Selamat Ulang Tahun, Bapak

Sebenarnya, di detik ini, adalah waktu saya untuk menjalankan rutinitas malam saya setelah berkutat dengan matematika, menonton drama. Tapi, berhubung episode yang harus saya tonton rusak, jadilah saya di sini. Kembali ke rutinitas beberapa bulan lalu. Bergentayangan di dunia maya. Akhir-akhir ini, saya terlalu asyik dengan dunia nyata saya. Sehingga, waktu menulis di dunia mayapun berkurang. Ya, asal kau tahu blog, saya sudah menemukan reinkarnasi The Diario, saya masih rajin menulis. Meskipun isi dari tulisan saya hanya menye-menye belaka. Jadi, hari ini adalah hari Selasa, tanggal 2 April 2013. Bapak saya bertambah umur. Sebagai formalitas, saya, Ibuk dan Diska memberikan kado, untuk menyimpan rezeki beliau. Sebenarnya, Bapak sudah cukup, bahkan sangat cukup hanya dengan ucapan selamat dan kecupan hangat. Tapi, saya ingin lebih, sehingga kado itulah yang saya hadirkan. Akhir-akhir ini, Bapak menjadi Artis. Tamu-tamu datang silih berganti, entah itu guru atau pejabat lainnya yang hanya ingin mengucapkan selamat atas kepindahan Bapak ke kantor baru. Ya, Bapak saya pindah dinas, dari pariwisata ke pendidikan. Lokasi kantornyapun lebih jauh, sehingga saya harus mengendarai kuda putih sendiri ke sekolah. Saya jadi jarang berkencan dengan Wanda, karena saya harus mengantar Diska juga ke sekolah. Hari ini pun, nilai Try Out kota saya keluar, hal tersebut sekaligus menjadi kado buat Bapak. Sedih sekali melihat bagaimana posisi Bapak sekarang dengan nilai Try Out saya. Bapak belum tahu, tapi Ibuk sudah dan Ibuk bakal cerita. Saya tahu. Matematika saya anjlok lagi. Entah bagaimana, saya tidak pernah miss menghitung akuntansi, tetapi saya kebanyakan miss dalam matematika. Padahal basic mereka sama, angka. Sebenarnya, dari lama saya sudah ketar-ketir menghadapi matematika. Terlebih lagi, teman satu kelas, yang paling dekat dan menguasai matematika secara penuh, selalu saja sensi ketika saya menanyakan hal-hal berbau matematika. Saya heran. Saya pernah begitu kepadanya, ketika dia menanyakan sesuatu tentang Bahasa Inggris, saya jawab dengan "ini kan gampang!" mungkin ini karma. Tapi hey, karma, apa itu terus-terusan? Saya bisa mabok. Sungguh saya ingin belajar matematika privately. Selain matematika, geografi saya lebih jeblok. Saya tidak tahu apa yang salah, saya suka geografi. Saya selalu semangat, karena dengan geografi, saya bisa mengingat mas Radith dengan senang. Ya, dia adalah perwakilan kota Probolinggo untuk Olimpiade Sains Provinsi di bidang kebumian. Saya masih ingat bagaimana saya masih menjadi penyemangat sekaligus tempat sampahnya. Saya rindu. Back to topic. Setelah saya buka soal Try Out kota itu lagi, ternyata masalahnya sama, angka, menghitung. Tidak heran kenapa hati saya menggerakkan otak untuk berjalan ke IPS. Saya harus kebut Geografi setelah ini. Setelah mendengar bahwa nilai Ujian Sekolah Bahasa Inggris SCI tidak lulus semua, saya shock. Dan setiap hari setelah hari itu, saya mencoba mengerjakan soal-soal Bahasa Inggris. Jadi, yang saya kejar hanya matematika dan bahasa Inggris. Ternyata, geografi juga minta dikejar. Fiuh!

(***)

Saya rindu ketika kami--Bapak, Ibuk, saya dan Diska--masih bisa keluar untuk sekedar makan malam bersama, merayakan ulang tahun salah satu dari kami. Saya rindu. Bahkan, tahun lalu Ibuk masih sempat membeli Ice Cream Cake untuk merayakan ulang tahun Bapak. Dan, kami masih bisa menikmatinya di malam hari. Sekarang? Hahahaha hanya tertawa. Saya tidak menyalahkan keadaan, saya hanya kaget menerima keadaan. Saya juga masih ingat, bagaimana Eing atau Onik selalu datang ketika salah satu dari kami bertambah umur. Saya rindu. Saya rindu ketika saya masih dikepang dua, saya juga rindu memakai sepatu kets merah di hari Rabu, dan dimarahi bu Luluk karena hari itu kami masih harus bersepatu hitam. Hey, mungkin kerinduan saya terlalu jauh hahaha saya juga rindu ketika saya dan mas Radith masih secara langsung menjadi penyemangat masing-masing.

(***)

Jadi, beberapa hari yang lalu, saya me-retweet salah satu tweet dari @disneywords. Dan tweet itu, menjadi salah satu quote favorit saya.

 

P.S. Saya masih berharap perasaan saya tidak salah. Saya masih merasakan mas Radith yang sama.

D.

Have you ever realized? We have the same sign around our eye..

Koizora

Hey, blogsky. Whazzup? Finally I have my "me time" and I decide to meet you hahaha errr well, yesterday I got a movie, a Japanesse movie called Koizora. You have to find out the meaning yourself, ya:p hahaha I won't tell you bout the movie, you have to watch yourself. That movie was too good to be told. So, (once again) you have to watch yourself. Actually, what makes this movie become great in me? That story was a lil bit similar to mine. Except the pregnancy part yaa hahaahaha you know, blog. I really want mas Radith to watch this film. But I don't know how. I just afraid of the ending. I'm afraid, if mas Radith's reason was similar to the boy in this film. Hahahaha yea, I was afraid. But, I don't hope so. I pray for your health, always.

D.

Peluk

Hi, blogsky. How was your day? I've been reading Peluk in Rectoverso by Dee, just today. And.... You know, I found "us" in that story.

"Keanehan lain menyusul, yakni jawaban muncul dengan sendirinya tanpa proses berpikir: memang ini jalannya. Itukah yang dinamakan firasat? Menahun sudah aku tahu, hari ini akan tiba. Tapi bagaimana bisa pernah kujelaskan? Aku menyayangimu seperti kusayangi diriku sendiri. Bagaimana bisa kita ingin pisah dengan diri sendiri?"

by mas Radith's thinking. But, actually in that "Menahun sudah aku tahu, hari ini akan tiba." A lil bit different with his thinking, I think. He ever told me that he never think about the day we gonna broke up.

"Mengapa kata-kata justru hilang pada saat seperti ini? Saat kulihat kamu butuh penghiburan, nasihat bijak, atau humor segar agar kesedihan ini beroleh penawar? Kemampuan kita berkata-kata menguap. Kemampuanku melucu lenyap. Kebisuan menjadi hadiah kebersamaan kita bertahun-tahun. Aku ingin bilang, berbarengan dengan makin pilunya hati ini, ada keindahan yang kurasakan, dan aku tak mengerti mengapa bisa demikian."

I still remember, a year from the day mas Radith told me that he loves me, we had a meeting. I mean, we met but we didn't talk till I started. I still remember his face when I cried. Yes, still. I still remember each part of that day.

"Tanganmu bergerak bimbang seperti ingin meraih tanganku, tapi kau urungkan niat itu. Dua manusia yang sudah bercinta bertahun-tahun dan merasakan setiap jengkal kulit masing-masing, mendadak enggan untuk bersentuhan."

by mine. I still remember how I wanted to wipe his cheek. Feeling his unwashed face ehehehe I still remember how I used to remind him to wash his face.

"Aku tidak tahu kenapa dua manusia yang saling sayang harus kembali berjalan sendiri-sendiri."

MY BIG QUESTION. But I bet he has soooo many reasons.

"Aku tidak ingin bersamamu cuma karena enggan sendiri. Kau tidak layak untuk itu. Seseorang semestinya memutuskan bersama orang lain karena menemukan keutuhannya tercermin, bukan ketakutannya akan sepi."

Yea, maybe, we don't deserve, now.

"Aku ingin mengalir. Hatiku belum mau mati. Aliran ini harus kembali memecah dua agar kita sama-sama bergerak. Sebelum kita terlalu jengah dan akhirnya pisah dalam amarah."

But, in fact. We did. I just remembered the lyrics of "Berhenti di Kamu" by Anji.

"Jadi, aku tidak tahu cinta itu terdiri dari berapa macam. Yang kutahu, cinta ini tersendat, dan hatiku seperti mati pengap. Kendati kusayang kamu lebih daripada siapapun yang kutahu. Kendati bersamamu senyaman berselimut pada saat hujan. Aku aman. Namun, aku mengerontang kekeringan. Dan kini kutersadar, aku butuh hujan itu. Lebih dari apa pun."

Hmm, I kinda know, he is saturated of me, huh?:)

"Kamu bukan tisu sekali pakai. Kita tidak mungkin membuang apa pun jika kita percaya hati bukan ditujukan untuk menyimpan."

I hope he does.

"Tubuhmu berontak. Kurasakan amarahmu, sakitmu. Kupererar rengkuhanku. Tangamu meronta, berusaha melepaskan diri."

In my story, oh I mean in our story, it still being a part of your story, right?:) In our story, the difference is I wasn't resist your hug, I cried harder instead.

"Kau mulai menangis. Aku mulai menangis. Lenganmu perlahan mendaki dan balik mendekapku. Kita resmi berpelukan."

I miss you, mas Radith. But I know, I realize, my desire won't change anything. You.... have gone.

"Aliran ini memecah. Indah. Meski aku berbalik pergi

dan tak kembali."

Chatting with PKH (Pak Kata Hati)

Me: "Hai, PKH, Good Evening! How was your day?" *smiling*

PKH: "What do you want?"

Me: "Ohmy, you're sooooo curt. Hmm well, I've seen him today. I mean, this morning when the school's bell rang. As usual. And oh my God PKH, you know he is HANDSOMEEEEE!"

PKH: "Ya I know, and then?"

Me: "oh shit. You aren't interested in my story, are you?"

PKH: "No, no, no. Just go with your story. I'll listen."

Me: "Ohkay. Here we go. So, I've seen him, and he was so wonderful. I've my first try out today, PKH. You know, I take a 2-years-program for my senior high and it just be approved by the education center so, I can follow the UAN this year. So wonderful, huh? And I bet you've already knew my reason. Ya, ya of course because of him. Uh huh, I wanna passed this senior high with him hahaha so cute huh?:3 but, lately, when we were broke up, my oh I mean our dream suddenly dissapear hahaha"

PKH: ....

Me: "PKH are you LISTENING me?"

PKH: "uhum, go on."

Me: "Ohkay.. I've been thinking. If only I could fix our relationship, maybe we will verify our marks in pdss together, with a wifi in my home haha it will be so sweet! And we'll study for English try out tomorrow, together. And also, we can talk until late for our future. How sweet! Well, PKH, I don't know (still) what makes him finishing our relationship. I have my own expectation, too much expectations."

PKH: "Hmm, so what happened today? You're so noisy."

Me: "Well, yea. After I've my second try out. A math try out, that killing me slowly. It was real, PKH! I've only answered 9 questions. Pity me, yea? And then, I went out from my class, and I saw him, in gazebo, with his friends of course, his double B. And the other B smiled at me ehehehe I was salting, that time. But, I kept on walking with an asdfghjkl face when I walked in front of him. I held Dhaifi's hand. And I heard Bebek said "Dif, he is looking at you!" And I was just aaakkkkkkhhh[!] I held Dhaifi's hand tighter.

       "Then, I sat on aula. Waiting for the announcement from curriculum team. It was about yeaaa you know, that UAN and SNMPTN things. And I saw him in front of me and I was just asdfghjkl hahaha oh how I miss him, PKH. He was so wonderful, beautiful, and irreplaceable."

PKH: "Hmm, I see. So?"

Me: "Wait, I haven't finished my story. And then, after the curriculum team announced us that SNMPTN register things, its time for us to wait for a call. Yea, maybe I won't explained about that SNMPTN things. Then, I told Bebek to stalk a girl, named, umm, Jesika. She's umm what is it called, she is his closed friend. Yea, thats ok. And then, Bebek said "Dif, she changed her avatar!" Avatar is a profile picture, if you don't know, PKH eehehehe

PKH: "I know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Me: "Hash, ssst, I haven't finished yet! I then grabbed my cellphone and what was I see? A terrible things and suddenly I cried hahahaha so disgusting right, PKH? I cried in aula. Its been a long time I have no cry. I felt free after a cry. Then, Rose suddenly came up and asked "what happened, Dif?" And I was just aaaaaaaaa I have my sobbing then. It-was-really-disgusting.

       "And then I heard my cellphone rang. It was mba Katarina. She asked about batagor hahaha I was laughing but then cried over and over again (oke this is a lil bit lebay ngahaha) she said she won't come to school if I was still crying. But, when she came, I was crying again ngahahahaha"

PKH: "Wait Dif, why are you crying?"

Me: "I don't know, PKH. Jealousy?"

PKH: "Jealousy? Of what?"

Me: "Of Jesika. She got his attention now."

PKH: "And you are envy of that?"

Me: "Of course!"

PKH: "You are stupid!"

Me: "WHAT?!"

PKH: "Yes, you are STUPID. S-T-U-P-I-D"

Me: "What do you mean by stupid, PKH?"

PKH: "Who told you to be jealous?"

Me: "Um, no one." *facepalm*

PKH: "So, why are you jealous?"

Me: "Because of JESIKA, PKH. Oh please!"

PKH: "I mean, why are you stalked Jesika's twitter?"

Me: "I don't know. I just wanna know."

PKH: "And then you are jealous?"

Me: "Uhum......."

PKH: "Stupid."

Me: "Yea, I know, I am stupid. But somehow, I believe, we'll come back together. Jesika is just a diversion."

PKH: *smirk*

Me: "What? Why are you smiling like that?"

PKH: "Dif, you are living in a planet called Reality. You have to be realistic."

Me: "What do you mean? Is that about we-will-come-back-together? Hahaha we will, kok, PKH. We'll get married in 2022. We'll built a wonderful family, traveling around the world, and go to Arab for having a hajj."

PKH: "You have to be realistic."

Me: "I am realistic! Maybe, he is gone for now, but he will come back, tomorrow or someday. But, he will, I'm sure."

PKH: "You have to be REALISTIC"

Me: "He is my future!"

PKH: "Dif, he hasn't love you at all!"

Me: "Shit, he loves me!"

PKH: "Yea, yesterday."

Me: "He is my future!"

PKH: "You have to be realistic. He won't come back."

Sudah Terlambat

Sekarang, sejuta kata maaf, setumpuk rasa sesal, dan seribu liter air mata sudah tidak berarti. Jatah yang Tuhan beri pun sudah habis. Mungkin memang cukup sekian saja. Perjalanan kita, dongeng kita, sandiwara kita. Tidak ada yang bisa memaksa sekarang. Hanya kedewasaan yang dibutuhkan. Percuma menyalahkan diri sendiri, percuma mencemburui, semuanya percuma, tidak akan merubah apapun, tidak akan membuat dia kembali, Dif, yang ada hanya akan membuatnya semakin menjauh. Ikhlaslah mulai sekarang, itu sangat diperlukan. Nantimu nggak akan datang, Dif. Nggak akan pernah. Hanya sekarang. Seandainya penjelasan-penjelasan itu diutarakan.... Ah, seandainya, kata itu, persetan. Sudahlah. Perjalananmu dimulai, Dif. Maksudku, perjalananmu tanpanya, sudah dimulai. Dia memiliki kehidupan diluar sana, sendiri. Permohonan-permohonanmu pun percuma, Dif. Dia sudah memilih. Dia sudah melangkah, pergi. Mendahuluimu. Melepaskanmu. Meninggalkanmu. Sendirian. Di tempat kalian.

Selamat jalan, S. Aku sangat mencintaimu.

Just... Not... Today.

Well, its Saturday nite and I'm here, in front of the monitor and writing. This is for you. You, the only you that make me feel a sensation of love or Idk what it is called. Maybe its useless if I keep writing, but dunno, just want. I know, I realize, its my fault, its me, who didn't know about your condition. Its me, who want you to care the most, Its me who want you to bla bla bla and bla bla bla to make bla bla bla. Too much desire. I mean my OWN desire, not yours. Maybe you have one, but I didn't realize. No, no its not you who didn't considerate, its me. Well I know, now, we are not in the same world, I know, really, I do. And I know this is just a wishful thinking that we might be in the same world (again), just wish, ignore it. You have a new spirit now, you have the new me, oh no no, you'll never have a new me, maybe hmm what its called, you have eeee the new thing that feeling your heart, each day. Ya maybe that phrase is more suitable. Hmm ya, S, I will always pray for your life. Hm, just know, I'm still there, ya, in our place hahaha I mean in your and my place, ya you know "us" is no more longer. I just, don't know how to say, well, I'm okay with this I mean yea I'm okay if you don't realize that I'm here, its ok, thats your choice. Its ok, I'm ok. I will be single-minded ehehe like you, but just not today maybe tomorrow or the other day the other year, I don't know, just not today like you did. No, actually, whenever you want to come home and explain everything, I'll listen. Ya, you know, thats just an if clause. And it seems like won't happen. Ya, too much day-dreaming, too much wishful thinking, too much that too much hahaha hmm congratulations hey you for forgetting me ehehehe its not I can't forget you but I don't want to forget you. Well, I've read those in your diary, and thank you then ehehe I'm glad to know that I crossed your mind for a sec, even for a sec to wrote those, yea, I'm glad. Thats it. Eeee you know, I still collect that little pieces of our memories eeee I mean your and my memories. Oh shit, I miss you, mas Radith.


well, I wish that we will be together, build up the love together, in the other place, someday... Yea, someday..

They come like angels o:)

Hey blogskyyy!!!! Gyaaaaa long time no write. Ohkay, the last time I wrote hmmm in July 2012 ya? Hahaha its 2013 already and single bells single bells single all the way, yea me and mas Radith are no longer anymore, we are friends (are you sure, Dif?) hahaha Idk what we are. Ehm, lately I was eee you know I got lost in myself. Idk, it seems like there is a problem inside mine, maybe about mas Radith that makes me lost, idk it seems like that, and everything is getting dark, more and more each day. Well, Idk how I will be without them.

Mbak Katarina, well she is my old sister, we were sister-ing (halah) since we were babies hahahaha

She came right when I need someone the most. Aaaaah how I love her:')

PowerRangers♥

Actually, they're my old friends, too. But we're to busy of our own problem. But last Monday, we were gather in a school hall and talked about sooooo many things (even though mine are the most:p) They came like angels o:)

ANALISA CREW. My classmates, how lucky I am to meet them. They're crazy but so touch haha they understand me, I mean we understand each other.

 Best friend are like stars. They may not be seen, but they'll always there.

Difratia.

P.S. Well, I might have promised you guys to post my 3rd and 4th day in Jekardah looooong time ago hahaha but it seems like I won't post it, so, stay curious:p