Koizora

Hey, blogsky. Whazzup? Finally I have my "me time" and I decide to meet you hahaha errr well, yesterday I got a movie, a Japanesse movie called Koizora. You have to find out the meaning yourself, ya:p hahaha I won't tell you bout the movie, you have to watch yourself. That movie was too good to be told. So, (once again) you have to watch yourself. Actually, what makes this movie become great in me? That story was a lil bit similar to mine. Except the pregnancy part yaa hahaahaha you know, blog. I really want mas Radith to watch this film. But I don't know how. I just afraid of the ending. I'm afraid, if mas Radith's reason was similar to the boy in this film. Hahahaha yea, I was afraid. But, I don't hope so. I pray for your health, always.

D.

Peluk

Hi, blogsky. How was your day? I've been reading Peluk in Rectoverso by Dee, just today. And.... You know, I found "us" in that story.

"Keanehan lain menyusul, yakni jawaban muncul dengan sendirinya tanpa proses berpikir: memang ini jalannya. Itukah yang dinamakan firasat? Menahun sudah aku tahu, hari ini akan tiba. Tapi bagaimana bisa pernah kujelaskan? Aku menyayangimu seperti kusayangi diriku sendiri. Bagaimana bisa kita ingin pisah dengan diri sendiri?"

by mas Radith's thinking. But, actually in that "Menahun sudah aku tahu, hari ini akan tiba." A lil bit different with his thinking, I think. He ever told me that he never think about the day we gonna broke up.

"Mengapa kata-kata justru hilang pada saat seperti ini? Saat kulihat kamu butuh penghiburan, nasihat bijak, atau humor segar agar kesedihan ini beroleh penawar? Kemampuan kita berkata-kata menguap. Kemampuanku melucu lenyap. Kebisuan menjadi hadiah kebersamaan kita bertahun-tahun. Aku ingin bilang, berbarengan dengan makin pilunya hati ini, ada keindahan yang kurasakan, dan aku tak mengerti mengapa bisa demikian."

I still remember, a year from the day mas Radith told me that he loves me, we had a meeting. I mean, we met but we didn't talk till I started. I still remember his face when I cried. Yes, still. I still remember each part of that day.

"Tanganmu bergerak bimbang seperti ingin meraih tanganku, tapi kau urungkan niat itu. Dua manusia yang sudah bercinta bertahun-tahun dan merasakan setiap jengkal kulit masing-masing, mendadak enggan untuk bersentuhan."

by mine. I still remember how I wanted to wipe his cheek. Feeling his unwashed face ehehehe I still remember how I used to remind him to wash his face.

"Aku tidak tahu kenapa dua manusia yang saling sayang harus kembali berjalan sendiri-sendiri."

MY BIG QUESTION. But I bet he has soooo many reasons.

"Aku tidak ingin bersamamu cuma karena enggan sendiri. Kau tidak layak untuk itu. Seseorang semestinya memutuskan bersama orang lain karena menemukan keutuhannya tercermin, bukan ketakutannya akan sepi."

Yea, maybe, we don't deserve, now.

"Aku ingin mengalir. Hatiku belum mau mati. Aliran ini harus kembali memecah dua agar kita sama-sama bergerak. Sebelum kita terlalu jengah dan akhirnya pisah dalam amarah."

But, in fact. We did. I just remembered the lyrics of "Berhenti di Kamu" by Anji.

"Jadi, aku tidak tahu cinta itu terdiri dari berapa macam. Yang kutahu, cinta ini tersendat, dan hatiku seperti mati pengap. Kendati kusayang kamu lebih daripada siapapun yang kutahu. Kendati bersamamu senyaman berselimut pada saat hujan. Aku aman. Namun, aku mengerontang kekeringan. Dan kini kutersadar, aku butuh hujan itu. Lebih dari apa pun."

Hmm, I kinda know, he is saturated of me, huh?:)

"Kamu bukan tisu sekali pakai. Kita tidak mungkin membuang apa pun jika kita percaya hati bukan ditujukan untuk menyimpan."

I hope he does.

"Tubuhmu berontak. Kurasakan amarahmu, sakitmu. Kupererar rengkuhanku. Tangamu meronta, berusaha melepaskan diri."

In my story, oh I mean in our story, it still being a part of your story, right?:) In our story, the difference is I wasn't resist your hug, I cried harder instead.

"Kau mulai menangis. Aku mulai menangis. Lenganmu perlahan mendaki dan balik mendekapku. Kita resmi berpelukan."

I miss you, mas Radith. But I know, I realize, my desire won't change anything. You.... have gone.

"Aliran ini memecah. Indah. Meski aku berbalik pergi

dan tak kembali."

Chatting with PKH (Pak Kata Hati)

Me: "Hai, PKH, Good Evening! How was your day?" *smiling*

PKH: "What do you want?"

Me: "Ohmy, you're sooooo curt. Hmm well, I've seen him today. I mean, this morning when the school's bell rang. As usual. And oh my God PKH, you know he is HANDSOMEEEEE!"

PKH: "Ya I know, and then?"

Me: "oh shit. You aren't interested in my story, are you?"

PKH: "No, no, no. Just go with your story. I'll listen."

Me: "Ohkay. Here we go. So, I've seen him, and he was so wonderful. I've my first try out today, PKH. You know, I take a 2-years-program for my senior high and it just be approved by the education center so, I can follow the UAN this year. So wonderful, huh? And I bet you've already knew my reason. Ya, ya of course because of him. Uh huh, I wanna passed this senior high with him hahaha so cute huh?:3 but, lately, when we were broke up, my oh I mean our dream suddenly dissapear hahaha"

PKH: ....

Me: "PKH are you LISTENING me?"

PKH: "uhum, go on."

Me: "Ohkay.. I've been thinking. If only I could fix our relationship, maybe we will verify our marks in pdss together, with a wifi in my home haha it will be so sweet! And we'll study for English try out tomorrow, together. And also, we can talk until late for our future. How sweet! Well, PKH, I don't know (still) what makes him finishing our relationship. I have my own expectation, too much expectations."

PKH: "Hmm, so what happened today? You're so noisy."

Me: "Well, yea. After I've my second try out. A math try out, that killing me slowly. It was real, PKH! I've only answered 9 questions. Pity me, yea? And then, I went out from my class, and I saw him, in gazebo, with his friends of course, his double B. And the other B smiled at me ehehehe I was salting, that time. But, I kept on walking with an asdfghjkl face when I walked in front of him. I held Dhaifi's hand. And I heard Bebek said "Dif, he is looking at you!" And I was just aaakkkkkkhhh[!] I held Dhaifi's hand tighter.

       "Then, I sat on aula. Waiting for the announcement from curriculum team. It was about yeaaa you know, that UAN and SNMPTN things. And I saw him in front of me and I was just asdfghjkl hahaha oh how I miss him, PKH. He was so wonderful, beautiful, and irreplaceable."

PKH: "Hmm, I see. So?"

Me: "Wait, I haven't finished my story. And then, after the curriculum team announced us that SNMPTN register things, its time for us to wait for a call. Yea, maybe I won't explained about that SNMPTN things. Then, I told Bebek to stalk a girl, named, umm, Jesika. She's umm what is it called, she is his closed friend. Yea, thats ok. And then, Bebek said "Dif, she changed her avatar!" Avatar is a profile picture, if you don't know, PKH eehehehe

PKH: "I know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Me: "Hash, ssst, I haven't finished yet! I then grabbed my cellphone and what was I see? A terrible things and suddenly I cried hahahaha so disgusting right, PKH? I cried in aula. Its been a long time I have no cry. I felt free after a cry. Then, Rose suddenly came up and asked "what happened, Dif?" And I was just aaaaaaaaa I have my sobbing then. It-was-really-disgusting.

       "And then I heard my cellphone rang. It was mba Katarina. She asked about batagor hahaha I was laughing but then cried over and over again (oke this is a lil bit lebay ngahaha) she said she won't come to school if I was still crying. But, when she came, I was crying again ngahahahaha"

PKH: "Wait Dif, why are you crying?"

Me: "I don't know, PKH. Jealousy?"

PKH: "Jealousy? Of what?"

Me: "Of Jesika. She got his attention now."

PKH: "And you are envy of that?"

Me: "Of course!"

PKH: "You are stupid!"

Me: "WHAT?!"

PKH: "Yes, you are STUPID. S-T-U-P-I-D"

Me: "What do you mean by stupid, PKH?"

PKH: "Who told you to be jealous?"

Me: "Um, no one." *facepalm*

PKH: "So, why are you jealous?"

Me: "Because of JESIKA, PKH. Oh please!"

PKH: "I mean, why are you stalked Jesika's twitter?"

Me: "I don't know. I just wanna know."

PKH: "And then you are jealous?"

Me: "Uhum......."

PKH: "Stupid."

Me: "Yea, I know, I am stupid. But somehow, I believe, we'll come back together. Jesika is just a diversion."

PKH: *smirk*

Me: "What? Why are you smiling like that?"

PKH: "Dif, you are living in a planet called Reality. You have to be realistic."

Me: "What do you mean? Is that about we-will-come-back-together? Hahaha we will, kok, PKH. We'll get married in 2022. We'll built a wonderful family, traveling around the world, and go to Arab for having a hajj."

PKH: "You have to be realistic."

Me: "I am realistic! Maybe, he is gone for now, but he will come back, tomorrow or someday. But, he will, I'm sure."

PKH: "You have to be REALISTIC"

Me: "He is my future!"

PKH: "Dif, he hasn't love you at all!"

Me: "Shit, he loves me!"

PKH: "Yea, yesterday."

Me: "He is my future!"

PKH: "You have to be realistic. He won't come back."